{this moment}
Thursday, March 1, 2012 
{this moment} is a Friday ritual inspired by SouleMama.
Although my most treasured moments in life surely involve my children being awake, this (kind of crappy) week, it seemed fitting to feature the much-desired simultaneous naptime.
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I am having a hard time. I feel overwhelmed and under qualified. I am so aware lately of my lack of experience, in everything and in motherhood. I was only 21 years old, had just graduated from college and gotten my first 'real job', when I met my husband and stepson and had to learn a whole lot about life really fast. Sometimes I feel like I am still catching up. I have this distinct feeling that I will find my footing one day, that there is a confidence out there that I'm sure to find, but I won't find it in a book, I won't find it by trying really hard, I'll only find it when enough days, months, years have passed.
Recently, I've made many tearful phone calls to my mom and my husband, two people who know me well, and both had the same advice each time, "Go for a walk." And I did. And it made it better. I have found it so difficult to meet all our needs during the day, and walking is one of the few things that seems to do that.
Despite the stressful tone our days have taken lately, our walks remain calm and slow and beautiful. They allow me to quiet the inner chatter, abandon the introspection for a moment, and look outward. I usually arrive home feeling more grounded, with a simpler appreciation for where I am now, both physically and in life.
So next Friday, I am starting a new series where I post a photo from one of our walks that week—just something we saw that we were able to stop and appreciate.
If you usually click over to my {moment} each week from Soulemama, I hope you will keep visiting on Fridays, although I'll no longer be posting a link there. I don't want to give up the weekly ritual of posting a photo on Fridays, but want to shift my focus a bit. This new series will be in the same spirit, but will focus on finding the beauty in our surroundings. Hope to see you next Friday.
Reader Comments (8)
Oh Miranda,
I have so been there. The walks sound great. And I remember feeling like I had so little experience with my work and as a parent. And you're right it seems wisdom only comes with the passing of time.
I must say, from the vantage point of my fifties, the trade off of youth for wisdom has been quite a gift-that I appreciate almost daily.
Maybe weeks like you have had make it easier to let them do things like go off to school and into their own lives.
Take care,
Nicole
It's funny how I felt like a really good (or at least pretty good) mother of one but sometimes just scrape by as a mother of two. The early days where you are first finding your footing again are *just so hard* but it gets better, really. It hit me again when Poppy turned 1, but at nearly 18 months it is getting easier again.
You are a really, really good mom who often makes me think about my own parenting choices.
Playdate soon?
I hope we always feel a little off balance. Maybe not unsure of our footing, but willing to question, willing to make adjustments for our families and ourselves, willing to change and adapt and accept what comes our way.
You are a phenomenal mama. You are. Just keep walking, and hold that in your heart.
After I had my second kid everything fell apart for me. My whole world. I couldn't seem to climb up on the liferaft. It was all just so hard. The passage of time helped us get into a groove. But my goodness what a bumpy ride that was. Hold on tight. Enjoy those walks. I did a lot of that as well. Two is absolutely a whole new ballgame. Totally harder than one. It's ok to say it's hard. Because IT IS. You are an awesome mom.
Thank you all for your thoughtful comments.
Nicole, I always appreciate the perspective of more experienced mothers with grown children. It must be a great feeling to know that the hardest work is done and that you can hand over the responsibility. Then again, my little girls. I can't imagine them not being little. What's that saying about wanting to rush the days but the years to last longer?
Molly, Thanks so much for your kind words. I would love to set up a play date soon.
Amy, I hope so, too, and I think you said what you said so beautifully. Thanks for the reminder and encouragement. Miss you all.
Anita, I am working to find that groove. I know it's somewhere. Sometimes motherhood seems to bounce back and forth between crying uncontrollably to an acquaintance I run into at Whole Foods because I JUST CAN'T DEAL, and being so deliriously happy that I tear up just thinking about how ridiculously lucky I am to get to hang out with these lovely little beings.
Miranda, doesn't every mum sometimes have thoughts like this. I deliberately quit my job a month ago, to spend more time at home with my 2 kids (and hub of course!!). I enjoy being with them so much. I never experienced more fun with my youngest. This makes me feel a bit sad but at the same time so happy to be given this time. It can make you sad over the time gone by, but it helps me very much to think at that time I also did what I could do best that time (and that that was good enough too!!). It helps me to sometimes ask other people how they think, my sister is such a comfort!
Miranda, I like your blog and what ypu write there, you seems conscious about your live and kids, I think there are very lucky with a mum like you!!
PS: My mum was 22 when I was born and she delivered 2 great kids in the world. She sometimes looks envious at my patience (I am 36), but what's best???!!!
Love from Patricia (one of your overseas followers - from the Netherlands). Please do visit my blog, even though it is in Dutch)
Thank you for your comment Patries. Love that I have readers from the Netherlands! Parenting is full of trade-offs isn't it? There are advantages to working, advantages to staying home, advantages to having babies young and later in life... The list goes on. I will definitely visit your blog!
Such honest words. I too have benefited from the calm that a walk brings. I look forward to seeing little snippets from your wanderings. :)